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Monday, October 4, 2010

Prone to Wander


I am the vine; you are the branches. If a man remains in me and I in him, he will bear much fruit; apart from me you can do nothing. John 15:5

This was one of the first Scripture verses I had my children memorize when they were young. I can still remember them trying to recite John 15 by heart during presentations for my little homeschool group. I hope this fifteenth chapter in John remains hidden in their hearts forever.

It was one of those rare days when I actually had some alone time to sit down and work on the chemistry and physics book I was writing. I sat down, with different thoughts jumbled in my head. Thoughts about matter, atoms, molecules, and all the foundational things that are needed to delve into the study of chemistry and physics. I was sitting there with my computer on my lap. Sitting. Writing a little. Deleting. Writing a little more. Deleting. It was so frustrating. I had four hours in front of me and not a single inspiring thing to write about atoms and molecules. Suddenly, the principle found in the verse above hit me.

Jesus reminded me, "Apart from me, you can do nothing."

Thank you, Lord. Honestly, I don't want to do anything apart from Him. I don't want to homeschool apart from Him. I don't want to plan my children's or my activities on my own. I don't want to choose curriculum, guide my children's hearts, or be a mother or wife or homemaker without His guidance and leadership in every moment. I don't want to make a single decision that isn't led by Him. And I absolutely don't want to write a book without Him.

I needed to let go of the fact that I had four uninterrupted hours to work in front of me and just focus my heart on the Lord for those hours. Why, when I have uninterrupted time, must I busy myself with work? God is able to accomplish all that concerns me. He can easily make 15 minutes more productive than four hours. But He can only do this if I abide in Him.

Always falling back into my Martha ways. I'm so thankful that even though our hearts are so prone to stray, our God continually calls us back into relationship. He beckons to us over and over, standing at the door, knocking.

O to grace how great a debtor
Daily I’m constrained to be!
Let Thy goodness, like a fetter,
Bind my wandering heart to Thee.
Prone to wander, Lord, I feel it,
Prone to leave the God I love;
Here’s my heart, O take and seal it,
Seal it for Thy courts above.